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Your Horoscope for Today by “Weird Al” Yankovic

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Your Horoscope for Today“Weird Al” Yankovic

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Cristophe Stevens's avatar
Created by
Cristophe

Guitar Chords

    CDmEmFGCFG
    -------- 
    CF
     
    Aquarius
    There's travel in your future when your tounge
    freezes to the back of a speeding bus,
    Fill that void in your pathetic life by playing
    Whack-a-mole 17 hours a day
    Pieces
    Try to avoid any Virgos or Leos with the Ebola Virus
    You are the true lord of the dance,
    No matter what those idiots at work say
    Aries
    The look on your face will be priceless
    when you find that 40 pound watermelon in your colon
    Trade toothbrushes with an albino dwarf,
    And give a hickey to Meryl Streep
    Taurus
    You will never find true happiness,
    What you gonna do, cry about it?
    The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up,
    do a bunch of stuff, and then go back to sleep
    CDmEmF
    Thats your horoscope for today-ay-ay-ay-ay 
    GCFG
    Thats your horoscope for today 
    CDmEmF
    Thats your horoscope for today-ay-ay-ay-ay 
    GCFG
    Thats your horoscope for today 
    Gemini
    Your birthday party will be ruined once again,
    by your explosive flatulance,
    Your love life will run into trouble
    when your fiance hurles a javelin through your chest.
    Cancer
    The position of Jupiter says that you should spend
    the rest of the week face down in the mud,
    Try not to shove a roll of duct tape up your nose
    while taking your driving test
    Leo
    Now is not a good time to photocopy your butt
    and staple it to your bosses face, oh no,
    Eat a bucket of tuna-flavored pudding
    and wash it down with a gallon of strawberry Quick
    Virgo
    All Virgos are extremely friendly and intelligence,
    EXCEPT FOR YOU!
    Expect a big suprise today,
    when you wind up with your head impaled upon a stick
    Thats your horoscope for today, for today-ay-ay-ay-ay
    Thats your horoscope for today
    Thats your horoscope for today, for today-ay-ay-ay-ay
    Thats your horoscope for today
    AmGEmAm
     
    Now you may find it inconciveable
    or at the very least a bit unlikely,
    that the relative position of the
    planets and the stars could have
    a special deep significance
    or meaning that exclusively applies to only you,
    But let me give you my assurance
    that these forcasts and predictions,
    are all based on solid scientific documented evidence,
    so you would have to be some kind of moron,
    not to realize that every single one
    of them is absoultely true, Where was I?
    Libra
    A big promotion is just around the corner,
    for someone much more talented than you!
    Laughter is the very best medicine,
    remember that when your appendix bursts next week
    Scorpio
    Get ready for an unexpected trip when
    you fall screaming from an open window,
    Work a little bit harder on improving
    your low self esteem, you stupid freak
    Sagitarius
    All your friends are laughing behind your back, "Kill them...."
    Take down all the naked pictures of
    Ernest Borgiene you've got hanging in your den
    Capricorn
    The stars say you're a exciting and wonderful person,
    but you know they're lying,
    If I were you I'd lock my doors and windows
    and never, never, never, never, never, leave my house again
    Thats your horoscope for today, for today-ay-ay-ay
    Thats your horoscope for today
    Thats your horoscope for today, for today-ay-ay-ay
    Thats your horoscope for today
    NITRAM
    06:52 AM